Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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