Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
