i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
