brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
one two three fourrrrnication!
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
