he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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