Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
