I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
