Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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