Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
