I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Randomize
