i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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