yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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