"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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