That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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