I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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