it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
