I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
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your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
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This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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