I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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