DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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