I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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