Already got asked if we're dating
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
