this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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