He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Randomize
