he wants to bone in the snuggie
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
