She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
