I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
