My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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