I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
