i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize