He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
