Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
