can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
