Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
