So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
