somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
