I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
