thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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