why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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