smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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