this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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