You really coming over, don't trick.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
