Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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