I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
50% drunk capacity currently
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
