Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
