now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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