It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
