just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
