Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
wakey wakey hands off snakey
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
