if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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