Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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