Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
