so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
