Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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