you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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