he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
