saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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