i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
My dick has a subreddit
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
