He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
