i just wanna soil my oats bro
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
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I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I wish there were birth control emojis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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