nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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