either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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