Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
