I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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