Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I can't put those talents on a resume
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
