I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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