this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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