I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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