i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
