after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
