So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
