Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
