blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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