we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
