My first STD was from a foam party
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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