I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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