my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
