she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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