just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
