Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
