I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
