i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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