I just found a bag of teeth...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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