So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
