Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Randomize
