So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
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We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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